8 Jan 2014

Letter to my 16 year old self

I am editing and reposting this after reading this post on youbabymemummy. This is one of the posts I wrote in 2014 I feel this post got lost by its previous title. It is also one of the post that I have mistakenly deleted the picture from.

Originally posted 08/01/14

I am going to be honest and say I had no idea what I would write about today so I searched blog ideas and came across fatmumslim and one of her ideas jumped out at me write to my 16 year old self.

So this is what I would say to the 16 year old me.

Dear Laura,
                   I know that you are having a difficult time at the moment having to stay with a friends family until you find somewhere permanent to live but this will just make you stronger and more independent. You will get your own flat and be very happy there for several years although there was a heartbreaking moment when you discovered you had miscarried although you didn't know you were pregnant.

You manage to deal with this really well and put it behind you, someone catches your eye and will enjoy spending time with them in the beginning. Unfortunately you decided to move house and this new place will be in their name and this is where your problems will really pick up.  You discover you are pregnant again this time planned everything is going great until 3 days before your 12 week scan when you wake with abdominal pains your partner phones doctors who advises ringing an ambulance. You are rushed in for an emergency operation as the baby has ruptured your Fallopian tube there is no chance of the baby surviving and there is also the a big risk to your own life. The doctors manage to stabilise you and put you on the ward to recover this is when you get to see partners true colours he doesn't want to come up to hospital so you will have to rely on family to bring in clothes.

When you finally get to go home the house is disgusting. Two weeks after you get home you have a major run in with his mum and decided enough is enough and move out don't worry gran will take you in. You and partner ended patching things up briefly and you become pregnant again this time you are monitored more closely and due to other events you will decided to go it alone. You will get your own place and are all set for the birth of your son who will be a whopping 9lb 9oz.

Things are a struggle on your own but you will push through.

When your son is 3 your tumble dryer catches fire and although you and he are fine you lose everything else. You are put into emergency accommodation where you stay for about 6 months until a house that is more suitable is found.  Your sons father will be no help and as always you will get by yourself.

You and your son will be happy and settled in your new home and from here thing get so much better  you connect with a friend of your brothers and hit it off.

About a year after getting together you will decided to move in together and the following year start planning children.  Your daughter is born in the January also a whopping 9lb 6oz. Sadness hits again in August as gran will pass away on her Birthday. This will hit you really hard, harder than anything you else you have had to deal with as this lady has been in you life almost every day for over 30 years and has had your back when others didn't have the time or care. You will still have days where her not being here make you sad but you soldier on.

You have some health issues Rheumatoid arthritis which is mainly in your ankles you are over weight but working on fixing that.

In January of 2015 you will get married to the most amazing man, step dad and daddy. This is something that probably comes as a shock to you as I know we always said we would never get married. Well it just goes to show if you meet the right person how things can change.

You will have another miscarriage and this one is harder to deal with than the others as more people are affected. As with everything else you have had thrown at you can get through this.

Please always remember don't let people get to you, you deserve better than them and that's exactly what you will get if you are patient and you will appreciate it all the more.

Love always Laura x